to my dearest friend, //edit//(who i'm sure will know to take this with a pinch of salt)//edit//
i didn't mean to worry you so much, and i didn't know that how i felt and what i did affected you so much. like what you said, "i kinda realised i wasnt just living my life anymore", and that things we do have impacts on people around us, especially people who we are close to physically and more importantly emotionally. i'm sorry i caused you so much frustration, i just thought that by not telling you, i would save you the worry, didn't expect you to get even more anxious.. i promise next time, i'll tell you. it's my blessing to have someone like you in my life, and i'm really thankful that the last two weeks brought us closer. "over the past few weeks or so, when we've kinda got closer, opening up to each other and stuff.. and i was totally blown away by it. never wanted your presence more than anything", what you said really touched me, really, because it's not everyday that someone says this from the bottom of their heart. its the same for me too! when you're around i feel i can totally be myself, and say what i want and you'll totally understand, and not be judgemental about it. i really appreciate that. it's nice to know that there is someone out there who knows almost exactly how you feel, and even when you don't, you try to find out and do your best to give your honest opinion.
when you feel helpless, i hope you'll come to me, cause you know that you're the first person i'll go to, cause i trust you. the many feelings that we go through everyday, may accumulate to undesirable feelings bit by bit even without our knowledge.. these feelings may become something that even we ourselves cannot control, so lesson learnt, clear things up from the start. lest they think you're unstable right?
sometimes i may think it's stronger to walk away, but maybe there's a time to let someone you trust know how you really feel, talk it out, and things may not be as bad as you make it out to be. take control of how you feel before it takes control of you. take a stand. you learn a little or a little more from the people around you everyday, cliche as it may sound, its true. today, i learnt so many things from you, you should know better than me. i just feel that, by letting you know how i feel, is the first step to getting to know the part of us that we try so hard to hide from the world all the time. like i said, "we both made our mistakes the last few days.. mistakes that could have been avoided if we both had just said something to each other. now we know keeping quiet isn't the solution." and you agreed. that's what's important. that we should learn from our mistakes, if anything the two of us should know that better than anyone else.
i hope that things cleared up after today. maybe pulled us a little closer, i know that i know a little more about you, hopefully you feel the same way. it might have been a lesson that came at price but for what it's worth, i think it did us good. it's not a crime to want "to be superman", but just take care of yourself because sometimes you wear yourself out thinking too much. remember, even when it seems that everyone has turned their back on you, there's always me that you can come to. i'm always here for you. you know that.
love,
athena
30.8.07